return my video game
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
