I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
