Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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