and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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