i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize