i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
