Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
