her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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