I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
