Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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