What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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