I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we're making bets on your personal life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
