4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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