my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
