I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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