We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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