I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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