btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
