Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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