You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
