Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
