His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
