i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How does one acquire holy water?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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