Do you still have your period?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
