I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Welp...herpes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
