you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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