do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
