Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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