why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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