Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
