im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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