I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
