problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Enjoy the penises
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
