was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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