I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize