Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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