Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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