..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
