mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
