Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
