Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize