kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
