I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
