Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize