Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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