yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
