The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
