In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
