I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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