Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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