So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
