You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize