you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
