Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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