I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
