Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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