I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
