At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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