I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
