I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
