hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Come see our sink grown plant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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